Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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