She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
