So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
