There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
