the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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