His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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