so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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