We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
