Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
