I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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