So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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