I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
