OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
