I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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