and she was petting her beer can
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
