I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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