I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
