He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize