I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
