WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
