Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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