I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
