Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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