I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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