Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
