I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
