i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
