You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
