Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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