i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
