I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
