so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
