ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
