Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
