you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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