is your mom at the bar?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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