I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
