I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
