I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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