my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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