i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Mom said you looked used
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
