Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
