In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
