I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
