Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
