Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
