'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
