I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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