perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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