DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
