I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
