I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
