we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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