We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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