come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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