you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
now i know why i became what i already was.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
