The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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