you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
