How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come on in and take your pants off
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