His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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