he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
