3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
