dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
