I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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