I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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