he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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