Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
