I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize