Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
