Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
