I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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