you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
