Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize