oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
