Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
