Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
