where does the pee come out of this thing
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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