You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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