Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
