Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
