Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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