i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
