your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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