I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
should my penis look like a turkey
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
