If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
