I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
