Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
