She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I bet he comes in French.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
