I'm gonna have a badass scar
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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