I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
