I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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