He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
