i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They took my balls.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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