I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
