I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
