your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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