Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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