Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
